June 12, 2017

SKINS. Part #1

Anxiety. It’s been a part of my life since 19. It wasn’t too bad at first. I was going through some stuff personally and I made some bad choices and it really did hit me hard until my aunt passed away. Not the moment she passed away, but each month that went by, it got worse. It shut me down completely after a while. We were close and she was there for me through one of the most toughest decisions I’ve had to make in my life. She was my person and I didn’t have anybody to talk to after she left. If anybody has anxiety, you know what I mean when I say that I feel like I am in a pool with weights tied to my feet, trying to swim up to catch a breathe of air, but it’s impossible. That’s what it feels like, every day. It came with side effects. My eating habits got really bad. Little to no eating at all. I go to the gym a lot so when I wasn’t eating, I started to notice myself getting skinnier. That’s when I picked up weight lifting, to bulk up. I didn’t want to look unhealthy. It might come as a shock to a lot of people who know me because I seem like a health nut with being a gym rat and what not. I was super conscious about my body image (another effect) My body was weak, making me exhausted from not enough nutrients. With the bad eating habits, came along a side effect of depression. I never knew what it really felt like to be depressed until it actually hit me. Hardly leaving my house, not talking to anyone for weeks. I kept myself busy that way I had the excuse of not seeing anyone cus as far as anyone is concerned, I am fine. With depression, also came going out ALOT for the wrong reasons. Not to have fun, but to feel numb. It wasn’t only my aunt passing away that did it for me, it was just the peak of it. You know when you’ve had so much shit thrown at you & you finally break down? That’s what happened. When you keep everything bottled up inside, eventually it is due for a giant explosion from all the pressure. The difference is that nobody knew about it. I mask my feelings really well & I’m used to expressing myself as happy because it’s easier and it makes me feel better. I started going to therapy every week. It’s helped. I also joined an anon group with a few ppl whom I’ve been extremely fortunate to meet, who’ve gone through similar things as I. It’s not something I talk about but I do stuff like that in my spare time. That might also come as a shock to people who know me. All in all, do not be ashamed to get help. Human connection is so important with stuff like this, I’ve realized. I don’t think I would be where I am right now if I didn’t decide to help myself. I was slowly dying inside, but suddenly the flowers grew. I’m still in the progress of growing, but I feel better. My vision is on track again and I am molding myself into a better person with each day that passes by. With this project, SKINS, my goal is to connect with people everywhere and to inspire. Social media is my platform for it because it’s such a great way to reach people. What helps me cope? Photography. Art. Life. It’s beautiful. I hope to spread the love far enough around to help anyone who needs it with SKINS. I have many more stories of people who’ve joined me with this project and I’m excited to share these amazing souls. -Adri🥀